Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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