my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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