just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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