The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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