I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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