Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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