so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
