That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i would punch a child for taco bell
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
