I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
