it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
