I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
