I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
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