i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
