whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
