but the lizard people decide everything anyway
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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