I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
