Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
