Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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