I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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