the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
