My hair reeks of homosexuality.
...so i touched it.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
