I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
