i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
