DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
