For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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