paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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