The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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