Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
