he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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