Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The best revenge is premature balding
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
YAS. BRING CRAB.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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