don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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