$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
