I'm so fucking centered right now
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize