i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
