The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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