my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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