Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
