I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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