After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
