I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I am spending my child support on dildos
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
