This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
