you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
