At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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