weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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