My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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