just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
