The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
