found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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