never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
