Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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