Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
