My Higher Power is John Stamos
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Randomize
