hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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