my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
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we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
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And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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