I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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