Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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