Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
