oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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