I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
