How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize