the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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