he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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