lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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