I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
