Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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