The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
